Monday, February 01, 1999

A Mother's Heart

There is a certain magic that happens

when a woman becomes a mother.

From the first joyful moment she holds her newborn child,

an amazing transformation begins to take place...

nourished by a fountain of unconditional love,

her heart fills and expands and strengthens

to nurture and protect her child for time eternal.

In a mother's heart, no child is ordinary;

she sees the beauty a hasty world often ignores.

A mother's heart feels her offspring's pain,

and she is always there with words of encouragement.

A mother's heart never gives up;

no matter how cold or dark life seems,

no matter what others may think,

no matter how many obstacles are in her path,

she never loses hope and faith in her child.

No matter how far we go or how much we achieve,

few accomplishments in life are as rewarding

as a single smile from a mother's heart.

 

-Poem by Patricia A. Teckelt

 

Tuesday, February 02, 1999

Believing In Yourself

standing for what you believe in

regardless of the odds against you

and the pressure that tears at your resistance

means courage

 

keeping a smile on your face

when inside you feel like dying

for the sake of supporting others

means strength

 

stopping at nothing

and doing what in your heart

you know is right

means determination

 

doing more than is expected

to make another's life a little more bearable

without uttering a single complaint

means compassion

 

helping a friend in need

no matter the time or effort

to the best of your ability

means loyalty

 

giving more than you have

and expecting nothing

but gratitude in return

means selflessness

 

holding your head high

and being the best you know you can be

when life seems to fall apart at your feet

and facing each difficulty with

the confidence that time will bring

you better tomorrows

and never giving up

means believing in yourself...

 

-Poem by Mary Ellen Joseph

 

Wednesday, February 03, 1999

Lining of My Heart

Inside the lining of my heart,

hidden away safe and deep

are the memories I hold dear.

Alone and all mine to share or keep secret.

 

Thoughts, visions, and echoes all wrapped dear,

lie the friendly glances, the warm smiles

and knowing looks I've kept to remember.

I've hidden the pain and covered the tears

with laughter, hope and never-ending faith.

Forgotten and yet easily remembered,

Open and yet quickly closed,

all remain in the lining of my heart.

 

On cloudy blue days they stand at attention

awaiting their call. They'll come fast or slow;

some will meld together into one. Some are happy

and some are sad, but all are intertwined with the

common thread found inside the lining of my heart.

 

-Poem by Leslie Anne Richards

 

Thursday, February 04, 1999

There was a time when

I could talk to you so easily

We would discuss the paths

our lives were taking

We shared so much together

You held my hand when life

seemed too hard to bear

and gave me strength.

I gave you my shoulder

so that you could cry of

love betrayed.

 

There was a time when

I could talk to you so easily

Yet, miles and time seem

to have changed all that

We rarely share together.

It seems that our paths

have moved so far apart

That even in this realm of

high tech we still do not

have time to share

As we once did so long ago.

 

There was a time when

I could talk to you so easily.

There is distance between us

That I would like to change

To bring us back to when

we shared so much together

For you to know that though

there are miles between us

My shoulder is still there

For you to cry on

My hand is waiting for you.

 

-Poem by Linda C. Reitz

 

Friday, February 05, 1999

MALE/FEMALE DICTIONARY

WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.

female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks

to have fulfilled in a relationship.

male: Food, sex and beer.

THINGY (thing-ee) n.

female: Any part under a car's hood.

male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.

female: A woman who makes love to other women.

male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.

female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.

male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight

up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

male: Playing ball without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

BUTT (but) n.

female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."

male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

female: A desire to get married and raise a family.

male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

female: A good movie, concert, play or book.

male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion.

male: An endless source of enterainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.

TASTE (tayst) v.

female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.

male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

 

Saturday, February 06, 1999

A thirsty married man, according to the law in Camarillo, could have
serious problems. He can't purchase any form of liquor without first having
the written consent of his loving spouse. And an old law in Gardena,
according to City Manager Ken Landau, prohibits a woman from chewing tobacco
without first having permission from her husband.

 

An old-fashioned piece of legislation in Hesperia outlaws dueling under
certain circumstances: no one is allowed to duel when the opponents select
water pistols for use as the weapons.

 

Any laws having to do with Sunday were usually written and passed as the
need arose with the intent of keeping the Sabbath holy. The church has
enormous influence on laws pertaining to gambling, curfews for young women,
women drinking alcoholic beverages, flirting, and even eating ice cream. In
Bonsall, no one may read the Sunday paper while sitting in a rocking chair on
their front porch while church services are in session.

Sunday, February 07, 1999

Our Dreams

Each of us has a place

a place to hide, a place to embrace

all of our own...

Here we can find an old friend's face

travel back in time, to a familiar space

a place we once called home...

Each of us has had our days

when filled with youth and childhood ways

Where in our memories those days will stay

stitched in our hearts, deeply sewn...

We can go back anytime because in our hearts

and in our minds there will always be that special place

from where we've grown

Our dreams can take us anywhere

Past or future, here or there

Our dreams are all we've known...

-Poem by Wendy Bodner
 

Monday, February 08, 1999

Morning Song

Every morning when you rise

Sing some merry song;

The one that is cheeriest

And brightens up the dawn.

Make a smile that’s happy

With eyes that ever gleam

And always’s keep your spirit

Prepared for every dream.

 

By Joan Stephen

 

Tuesday, February 09, 1999

It's Criminal!

In 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend, Indiana, of the crime of smoking a cigarette, and was sentenced to pay a fine of $25 and the cost of the trial.

A Kentucky law says that burglary can only be committed at night.

In Illinois an animal may be sent to jail.

In Natchez, Mississippi, it is illegal for elephants to drink beer.

In Topeka, Kansas, it is illegal for a waiter to serve wine in a teacup.

It is unlawful for a man or woman to go unshaven in Carizozo, New Mexico.

It is unlawful to keep a prisoner in jail on Sundays in Kulmont, Pennsylvania.

A White Cloud, Kansas, law makes it illegal to break out of jail.

In Idaho fishing from the back of any animal is illegal.

In Houston, Mississippi, it's illegal to get on or off a train without a health certificate.

In Honover, California, it's illegal to prevent children from jumping over puddles.

 

Wednesday, February 10, 1999

" A relationship is like sand in the palm of your hand.
Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is,
The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on,
The sand trickles through your fingers.
You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled.
A relationship is like that.
Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person,
It is likely to remain intact.
But hold too tightly, too possessively,
And the relationship slips away and is lost."
--- Kaleel Jamison

Thursday, February 11, 1999

How Great Love Is

 

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, and all of the others including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you here."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"
"It was Time", Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
--- Author Unknown

 

Friday, February 12, 1999

These three guys go down to some Latin American country one night and

get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be

executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they`ve

done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has

any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor school of divinity and

I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the

innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure

God must not want this guy to die, so we better let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the

University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power

of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the

switch and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this

guy`s side, so they better let him go too.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I`m a Fightin` Texas

Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I`ll tell you right now you`ll never

electrocute anybody if you don`t connect those two wires."

 

Saturday, February 13, 1999

STRENGTH AND COURAGE
(there *is* a difference)

It takes strength to be firm.
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard.
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain.
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in.
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain.
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide feelings.
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse.
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone.
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love.
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.
It takes courage to live.
--- Author Unknown

 

Sunday, February 14, 1999

To see you happy

laughing and joking

smiling and content

striving towards goals of your own

accomplishing what you set out to do

having fun by yourself and with your friends

capable of loving and being loved

is what I always wished for you.

Today I thought about your handsome face

and felt your excitement for life

and your genuine happiness

and I burst with pride

as I realized that my dreams for you came true

What an extraordinary person you have become

and as you continue to grow

please remember always

how very much

I love you.

 

A Better Me

 

The me that I wish I could be

Would never harm a soul,

Could never speak in angry tones,

Or have a selfish goal,

And no more wrong or harmful deeds

I’d ever want to do,

If this perfect ideal me

Could be a picture true.

The me I wish I could become

Will never really be,

But simply wanting such a thing

Will make a better me.

 

By Hilda Sanderson

Tuesday, February 16, 1999

MY BROTHER, MY RIGHT HAND

There are times in life,

When I can't do it all.

I need someone like you, brother,

To talk to when my problems

Surround me like bees from an exploded hive;

And I've been badly stung.

 

Your advice is good;

Your words bandage my wounds.

 

This road of life

Is not smooth, but very tricky,

Full of invisible pitfalls;

And you don't know whose face is real

Or who wears a mask.

 

But I know one thing,

When I walk on that rough path,

There is one hand I can always rely on--

It is yours.

And I no longer walk alone.

 

-Poem by Mary M. Munio

 

Wednesday, February 17, 1999

Moments

" If I had my life to live over,
I would try to make more mistakes next time,
I would relax,
I would lighten up
I would be sillier than I ever have been
I would take more things less seriously
I would be crazier
I would take more chances
I would take more trips
I would climb more mountains,
Swim more rivers,
And watch more sunsets
I would have more real problems
And very few imaginary ones

I have had my moments,
And if I had to do it over again,
I'd have more of them
In fact, I'd have nothing else...
Just moments, one after another
Instead of living so many years ahead of each day

I would go places and do things
And travel lighter than I have
I would stand barefoot earlier in the spring,
And stay that way later in the fall
I would pick more daisies
I would ride on more merry-go-rounds
I would gather more clowns in my life
I would hug more people, and hold more hands
I would meet you sooner and know you longer
And, I would love you better."
--- Anonymous ---

Thursday, February 18, 1999

" A SMILE costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."
--- Based on the writings of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch

Friday, February 19, 1999

Doggone It -- It's The Law

Dogs are forbidden to bark between 8 P.M. and 6 A.M. in Collingwood, New Jersey.

In Little Rock, Arkansas, it's against the law for dogs to bark after 6 P.M.

A Wanamassa, New Jersey, law prohibits dogs from crying.

In Boston, Massachusetts, it is illegal to keep a dog more than ten inches in height.

It is illegal to tie a tin box to a dog in Calhoun, Georgia.

In Paulding, Ohio, a police officer may bite a barking dog to quiet him.

In Sheridan, Wyoming, it is unlawful to permit any dog to stand closer than ten feet to a fire hydrant within city limits.

These Laws Are For The Birds

In Massachusetts it's against the law to allow a chicken in a bakery.

Roosters are forbidden to crow within the city limits of Ontario, California.

Essex Fells, New Jersey, forbids dogs to bark, roosters to crow, and ducks to quack between the hours of 10 P.M. and 6 A.M.

Pigeons are not permitted to fly over Bellevue, Kentucky.

A Berkeley, California, law forbids anyone to whistle for a lost canary before 7 A.M.

An old Truro, Massachusetts, law says that a man can't get married until he has killed six blackbirds or three crows.

It's unlawful to raise chickens in bottles in New Jersey.

Laws That Don't Make Horse Sense

In Vermont it's a crime to paint a horse.

In Washington, D.C., it is illegal to cut off the tail of any horse.

It is against the law to tie horses to fire hydrants in St. Louis, Missouri.

Horse racing is illegal on the streets of El Paso, Texas.

In Lourdsburg, New Mexico, it is against the law for mules to visit a saloon.

A bill passed by the Arkansas legislature prohibits mule owners from filing their animals' teeth.

An Iowa state law forbids any person to keep a horse in the rooms of an apartment house.

This page, and all contents, are Copyright © 1997 by MediaAds, Fitchburg, Massachusetts, USA.

Saturday, February 20, 1999

REBIRTH OF A CHILD

The day is here, your time to fly,

To spread those wings you've healed;

To show the world, your beauty and shine,

All the strength you possess inside;

You've overcome the odds, found your higher power,

Desiring something different than you've known;

You own your own life, controlled now by none,

No external forces control you;

You are responsible for you, and you alone,

An accomplishment to many is unknown;

You're filled with a peace, glowing a gentle light,

The turmoil is no longer visible;

Coming to terms, understanding the confusion,

Learning from, but moving on from the past;

Making new starts, making new friends,

And re-acquainting with ties you've broken;

Finding your strengths, understanding your weaknesses,

Growing within yourself;

You've blossomed, you've grown,

From your cocoon you now emerge;

My child, you're strong and sure,

Spread your wings and fly!

 

Sunday, February 21, 1999

" We do not understand Joy,
Until we have felt sorrow;
Faith until we are tested;
Peace, until we are faced with conflict;
Trust, until we are betrayed;
Love until it is lost;
Hope, until we are faced with doubts."
--- Author Unknown

Monday, February 22, 1999

A MOTHER'S HANDS

These hands tell a story

the story of a mother

a wife, and a woman

 

These hands tell

of the softness she has

in raising her children

 

These hands

guide her children

in their ways

helping them when they have problems

and correcting them when they do wrong

 

I see these hands

reaching out to others

helping in any way

 

I see these hands folded in prayer

praying and thanking God

for the gifts in her life

and asking for help

with troubled times

 

On her hand she wears rings

one represents the love she has

for her husband

and the other represents the love she has

for her children and motherhood

 

I look at these hands

and see that

they are rough

on the edges

from her hard work

and soft on the inside

as a mother's hands should be

 

-Poem by Leah Marie Koelker

Tuesday, February 23, 1999

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class

cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip,

smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her. Underway, a

flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I`m

sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you`re seated in

first class; I`m afraid you`ll have to move." The blonde replies, "I`m

blonde, and I`m beautiful, and I`m going to New York to be a model."

Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight

attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says,

politely, "I`m sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you`ll

have to move back." The blonde replies, sweetly, "I`m blonde, and I`m

beautiful, and I`m going to New York to be a model"-and shows no signs

of moving.

Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says

he`ll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to

the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.

Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks

quietly into the blonde`s ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers

her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.

Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I`m

impressed ... what did you say to her?" he captain grinned slyly and

said, "I just told her that the first class cabin doesn`t go to New

York."

 

 

 

Wednesday, February 24, 1999

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment .My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother . 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

 

Thursday, February 25, 1999

The Lantern


In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern
and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the
lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure
enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,
young man...It seems there's yet another one besides!," cried the
doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor.
"Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

Friday, February 26, 1999

The Trouble Tree

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just
finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an
hour of work, his electric saw quit and now his ancient pickup truck
refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward
the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the
branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tan
face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and
gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward, he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity
got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

"Oh that's my trouble tree", he replied. "I know I can't help having
troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in
the house with my wife and children. So I just hang them up on the tree
every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up
again."

"Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick
them up, there ain't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the
night before."

Maybe we all should have a TROUBLE TREE.

Saturday, February 27, 1999

 

Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?

A: It has a stamp on it.

-----

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?

A: They cannot find the eleven on the phone!

-----

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

-----

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?

A: There is whiteout all over the monitor.

-----

Q: How do you drown a Blonde?

A: Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

-----

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a

regular one?

A: You have to hollow out the head.

-----

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?

A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

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Q: Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?

A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

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Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

 

Sunday, February 28, 1999

Some People

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Others stay for a while move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.

Author: Flavia