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Friday, January 01, 1999

What If?

What if the Generals

all said "Go!"

But the Mothers of the World

all said "No!"

the wings of an Angel
so pure and so white...
the wings of an Angel
holding you tight...
the wings of an Angel
caressing your skin...
the wings of an Angel
keeping the love within...
these wings from an Angel
are my gift to you...
these wings from an Angel
will help see you through...

 

Saturday, January 02, 1999

When You Feel The Wind

by Deean G. Strecker

I pray this message brings you hope,

when I've gone to a better place.

Think of me, and I'll be near,

when the wind blows upon your face.

 

You're the gifts I cherish most,

given from God above.

Always hold me dear to your heart,

and remember my undying love.

 

I tried my best to guide you,

and gave you all I could.

Promise me this, my little ones

serve God and live as you should.

 

There will come a day when we meet again,

in a home not made by man.

I'll be waiting for you at heaven's gate,

waiting...to take your hand.

 

So when you feel a soft breeze blow,

and you're dreaming of another place,

remember, it's me whispering, "I love you",

when the wind blows upon your face.

 

With Eternal Love,

Your Mother

 

Sunday, January 03, 1999

"Don't Quit"

By John Morton

When things go wrong, As they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a person turns about

When they might have won had they stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-

You may suceed with another blow.

 

Often the struggler has given up

When they might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down

How close he was to the golden crown.

 

Success is failure turned inside out-

So stick to the fight when you're

hardest hit-

It's when things seem worst that you

Mustn't Quit!!!

 

Monday, January 04, 1999

A smile costs nothing, but gives much.

It enriches those who give it. It takes but a moment,

but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it,

and none is so poor that he cannot be made richer by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home,

promotes good will in business, and is the cornerstone of friendship.

It can perk up the weary, bring cheer to the discouraged,

sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,

for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

When people are too tired to give you a smile, give them one of yours.

No one needs a smile so much as he who has none to give.

 

 Author Unknown

 Tuesday, January 05, 1999

A Touch of Love

You were six months old and full of fun

With a blink of my eye, you were suddenly one.

There were so many things we were going to do

But I turned my head and you were two.

 

At two you were very dependent on me

But independence took over when you turned three.

Your third birthday, another year I tried to ignore

But when I lit the candles there weren't three but four.

 

Four was the year that you really strived

Why, look at you now, you're already five.

Now you are ready for books and for rules

This is the year that you go to school.

 

The big day came, you were anxious to go

We walked to the bus, going oh so slow.

As you climbed aboard and waved goodbye

I felt a lump in my throat and tears stung my eyes.

 

Time goes so fast, it's hard to believe

That just yesterday you were home here with me.

And tomorrow when the bus brings you home and you jump to the ground

You'll be wearing your cap and gown.

 

So I'm holding these moments as hard as I can

Because the next time I look, I'll be seeing a man!

 

Wednesday, January 06, 1999

I'm Glad I'm A Man

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.

I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts

I can get where I want to -north, south, east or west

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers

and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I wont spend hours deciding what to wear,

I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair

and I don't go around checking my reflection

in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early

and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing

I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back

I don't carry our differences into the sack.

Ill never go psycho and threaten to kill you

or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too

I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me

to have these two balls and stand when I pee

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball

Its more fun than dealing with women after all

I won't cry if you figure out its not going to work

I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure

I won't assume its permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see

I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery

I don't get all bitchy every 28 days

I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful its true

I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

 

I'm Glad I'm A Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am

I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections

I wont drive to Hell before I ask for directions

I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown

and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down

I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt

my belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut

and I don't go around readjusting my crotch

or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind

I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing

I don't have body hair like shag carpeting

It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back

When I lean over you cant see 3 inches of crack

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb

I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side

I'm a woman, you know --I've got far too much pride

And I honestly think its a privilege for me

to have these two boobs and squat when I pee

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball

I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand

stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band

or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep

then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep

Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see

you can forget all about that old penis envy

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks

join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful its true

I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

 

Thursday, January 07, 1999

I Wish

I wish there were muddy tracks on the floor

And a door going shut with a slam;

I wish there were thumb marks all over the door,

And a hole in my pot of jam;

I wish there were tops and toys to fix,

A broken windown pane,

A little old wagon, a worn-out sled,

Out in the storm and the rain.

 

I wish there were little stockings to mend,

A few little bumps to kiss,

A little boy to school to send,

For never a day dare he miss.

I wish there were little boys to beg

For cookies or raisins or pie;

I wish my doughnuts would travel off

My pantry shelf, on the sly.

 

But the days of these little tasks are gone,

The days of such care oppressed.

There's a heartache which only a mother will own,

When her birds have all flown from the nest.

(Author Unknown)

  Friday, January 08, 1999

TO WALK ALONE

 All I wanted was this for you:

That you could tie or buckle your shoe.

At night when the stars blinked loftily down

At us and the lights in our little town,

You read to me, I read to you

Of the Little Red Hen and Little Boy Blue,

And all I wanted was that you should need

To feel this urgency to read.

 

And all I wanted when the noon sun shone

Was that you could walk to school alone.

Sometimes the wind tossed leaves in our path;

You would leave my side and chase them and laugh;

I watched how the breeze tossed your red-gold curls

As you dropped my apron to run with the girls;

All that I wanted was that you should decide

The turn of your sails with the outgoing tide.

 

All that I wanted too soon is here;

You need me no longer, but, oh, my dear--

Childhood, schooldays--now that you're grown,

How can I learn to walk alone?

Saturday, January 09, 1999

Into The Light I thought of all the troubles and trials That I had faced throughout my life. Illnesses, death and heartbreak All kinds of trouble and strife. No matter how high the mountain Of troubles that never seemed to stop Somehow, I found the courage To make it to the top. "God, " I said " as I look back At the darkest times of my life I don't remember seeing you there To help me through my strife." "My child," He said, " when you had sunk into your darkest despair, Who do you think stood by your side And refused to leave you there?" "I took your hand and walked with you, I encouraged you to continue your flight, As you struggled through the darkness, Stumbling toward the light." "When you fell I lifted you, When you faltered I gave you a shove, I soothed your broken heart And surrounded you with my love." "I never gave up and left you, As you fought your desperate fight Climbing out of the darkness Back into the light."

By Jo Ann Burton

Sunday, January 10, 1999

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscratched. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

 

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his pants, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

 

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it's head. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

 

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.

 

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up.

 

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

 

Monday, January 11, 1999

THE THINGS WHICH CAN NOT BE SPOKEN

 

There are words which need to be spoken,

And times when spoken words fail.

When only the heart and the soul know the depth,

and only the music of the earth is enough......

 

These are the things I want to say to you......

Heart of my heart,

Love of my life,

The things that can not be said.

The things that can only be meant by the one giving,

and can not be heard with human ears,

but only felt in the wind on a quiet, gentle night.

Tuesday, January 12, 1999

Praying the Lord

will tenderly guide

and strengthen you,

and bless you

with all the things

He knows you need.

By Anonymous~

 Laying Down The Law

It is unlawful to hitch a crocodile to a fire hydrant in Michigan.

In Manville, New Jersey, it is illegal to feed animals whiskey or cigarettes in a public park.

Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hair drier in Florida.

In San Jose, California, it is illegal to sleep in your neighbors' outhouse without their permission.

It's against the law in North Dakota to go to bed wearing shoes.

In Anniston, Alabama, it is illegal for any person to sleep in the city streets at any time.

It is illegal in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to sleep in a refrigerator.

In Ola, South Dakota, an ordinance prohibits a person from taking a rest in the middle of the road.

In Detroit, Michigan, it is against the law to fall asleep in the bathtub.

A Kentucky law says that it is illegal to sleep in a restaurant.

 

Wednesday, January 13, 1999

My Son, Robert

I Love You

 

As you keep growing and learning

striving and searching

it is very important

that you pursue your own interests

without anything holding you back

It will take time

to fully understand yourself

and to discover what you

want out of life

As you keep growing and learning

striving and searching

I know that the steps in your journey

will take you on the right path

Whatever happens in the future

I will always be rooting

for your happiness and success

and you can always depend

on my love and support.

 

Susan Polis Schutz

Thursday, January 14, 1999

Lessons From My Son

After you were born

my life became a challenge

Seeing your poised big sister

who did everything right

you escaped out of your crib

knocked the houseplants over

decorated a closet wall

with a bright blue marker.

 

You didn't hesitate to scare me

at eight months pregnant

waddling like a beached whale

with a trip to get stitches

when you fell in the bathtub

telling jokes and laughing

as the doctor sewed your chin

naming the stitches 'my itches'.

 

I can still see those bright eyes

the excitement over a frog,

picking green tomatoes,

covered in birthday cake,

drinking pool water,

climbing a pecan tree,

kissing a neighbor's puppy

and running naked down the cul-de-sac.

 

From you I learned the art of patience,

the joy of mothering a son,

that there are never enough

hours for cuddling and reading.

You taught me well

although you were so young.

And within my heart,

I will always hold my gratitude for you.

Poem by Alice J. Wisler

Friday, January 15, 1999

Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

        1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
        2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
        3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
        4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
        5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
        6. Shave.
        7. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
        8. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
        9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
        10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
        11. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
        12. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
        13. One word: Flatulence (FART)!
        14. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
        15. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
        16. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
        17. Meow occassionally.
        18. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
        19. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
        20. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
        21. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
        22. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
        23. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
        24. Burp, and then say "mmmm... tasty!"
        25. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
        26. Start a sing-along.
        27. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
        28. Play the harmonica.
        29. Shadow box.
        30. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
        31. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
        32. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
        33. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
        34. Bring a chair along.
        35. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
        36. Blow spit bubbles.
        37. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
        38. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
        39. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
        40. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
        41. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
        42. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
        43. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

 

Saturday, January 16, 1999

Families are the Roots From Which Sprouts Unconditional Love

You have always supported me no matter how I've expressed myself.

No matter how distant or difficult my situation. . .

No matter what choices I made or decisions I've reached..

Your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE has given me the comfort of knowing. . .

I will never be alone or abandoned.

Like a unique flower. . . you have nourished me with water and sunshine

and tender care.

Like a young sapling. . .You have loosened the earth around me. . .

And showed me the difference between blossoms and weeds.

Like a firmly planted root. . . you have given me the opportunity to

fall down. . .

And have the courage to get back up and dry my tears and try again.

Because of you I am comfortable with imperfection and mistakes and

failure.

Your UNCONDITIONAL Love has prepared me.. .

For a world that will not always welcome me with open arms.

Thank you for being wise enough to know that one cannot. . .

Bloom or flourish or thrive without an abundance of Love.

Today. . . I am a whole and valued human being . . . I am healthy

inside and out. . .

And I know without question that love is not true love unless it is

UNCONDITIONAL.

 

I am so proud to introduce you to the whole universe. . .

AS MY FAMILY!!

 

-Poem by L. Jase

Sunday, January 17, 1999

Give My Soul A Heavenly Hush

Let me tarry as I go;

If not my feet, my heart be slow.

As I reun from rush to rush

Give my soul a heavenly hush

That I may touch instead of shove,

That I may see those needing love.

In passing may I leave a glow;

Of kindly words that help peace grow.

 By Gail McCoig Blanton

Monday, January 18, 1999

The Essence of a New Day

 

This is the beginning of a new day.

You have been given this day to use as you will.

You can waste it or use it for good.

What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever;

In it's place is something that you have left behind...

Let it be something good.

Author Unknown

Tuesday, January 19, 1999

My hands were busy through the day

I didn't have much time to play

The little games you asked me to.

I didn't have much time for you.

I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook,

But when you'd bring your picture book

And ask me please to share your fun,

I'd say: "A little later, son."

I'd tuck you in all safe at night

And hear your prayers, turn out the light,

The tiptoe softly to the door...

I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

 

For time is short, the years rush past..

A little boy grows up so fast.

No longer is he at your side,

His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,

There are no longer games to play,

No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear....

That all belongs to yesteryear.

 

My hands, once busy, now are still.

The days are long and hard to fill.

I wish I could go back and do

The little things you asked me to.

 

Author Unknown

 

Wednesday, January 20, 1999

A POSITIVE NOTE

the days can seem painful

terror speaks in the night

life seems frightening

it may seem impossible that the fog will go away

that the sky will appear blue again

but you know what,

IT WILL

I'm not telling you this just to say it,

I've been in the fog and it was a struggle

but eventually, I found the blue sky under the dark clouds

not lost but just covered for awhile

remember,

there is someone that cares

there is someone who knows the pain

so if you can't find the light today,

stop

look around

look at a flower

and say, "it was put there for me, a small prize in my day"

it may seem small, unimportant

but it is important just like you are

so as you try to make it through today

remember one positive thought is enough to say,

"I survived today and I can make it to tomorrow,

to reward myself with a pat on the back

when I smile, laugh, or just do what I thought was impossible

yesterday"

a small victory

yet it brings another positive thought

and if you can have two positive thoughts

then maybe the day after tomorrow will bring three or four

and eventually you will be flowing with positive thoughts

suddenly you'll realize the cloud had lifted, the world seems

brighter

there will still be struggles from time to time

but you will be able to handle them

because today you overcame one small step

and let yourself have one positive thought

a positive thought as simple as,

"today I took a breath of fresh air"

 

-Poem by Bonnie S. Hoffman

Thursday,January 21,1999

I t seems like just

a little while ago

you raised your tiny head

and smiled at me

for the first time

and I smiled back with tears

I loved you so much then

Though you are older now

living your dreams

pursuing your own goals

I still look at your beautiful smile

to know that things are all right with you

and I am so very proud of you

and I love you even more now

Susan Polis Schutz

 

Friday, January 22, 1999

Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

-----

Q: What do you call an eternity?

A: Four Blondes at a four way stop.

-----

Q: Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

-----

Q: What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

A: Oh look, daddy . . . doughnut seeds.

-----

Q: How did the Blonde die ice fishing?

A: She got run over by the Zamboni.

-----

Q: Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?

A: Because it said concentrate.

-----

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

 

Saturday, January 23, 1999

Tomorrow's Door...

You stand on the threshold of tomorrow,

your footsteps excitedly welcoming your future.

You lift your suitcase.

Your hand touches the doorknob.

I close my eyes, bidding my tears subside.

 

Have you packed everything you'll need?

Toothpaste, hair brush, makeup, contacts?

A sweater, your best shoes?

I take the case, wanting one more time to be your mother.

Forgive me. It's a habit.

 

Its weight tugs on my soul.

What have you packed?

My heart and half my smile?

My dream your life will be happy?

My hope you'll always keep your hand in God's?

My wish you'll phone, even if it's collect, so I can brag?

My fears, for they will not cease now that I won't

see you everyday.

How did you go from being so small,

to heading out on your own?

You smile. I murmur, "Don't go. You've forgotten something."

 

My love.

 

I fling open the locks, searching for a place to put it.

There, behind the cosmetics and under the jeans,

I tuck it in a pocket full of other treasures from your life.

 

You may go now, my child.

Go to your dreams, your future, your hopes.

 

And know I will never love you more than I do at this moment.

 

-Poem by Tamara Shuttlesworth

 

Sunday, January 24, 1999

Wishes

What are wishes,
without the dreams to comply.
Perhaps they are the hearts voice,
that lays deep inside.

Maybe it's the soul that sleeps,
under the mask of it's dreams.
On a thread of uncertainty,
or so it seems to be.

Wishes are the hearts most desires,
when all appears cloudy and grey.
A wish is what keeps our souls afloat,
when our dreams are shattered and frayed.

Keep your wishes locked up inside,
for you never know what life has in store.
You never know what wish, just might come true,
from the dreams that you hold, just for you.

by: Katie Klopfer (c)1997

 

Monday, January 25, 1999

TWO LITTLE WORDS

Sometimes my days are nothing

but frustration,

When my spirits are low,

filled with desperation,

But then sometimes

my doorbell will ring,

I'll go to the door,

not expecting a thing,

And be thrilled to see a dear little one,

with a hug, and two little words,

"Hi Grammy."

 

Sometimes life

just gets me down,

When things go wrong

and make me frown,

But sometimes on those days,

the phone will ring,

And immediately

my heart will sing,

When I hear a precious little voice,

saying those two little words,

"Hi Grammy."

 

There are days

when I feel bad,

When something hurts

or makes me sad,

But there's one thing

that never fails

To make me feel great,

when I bring in the mail,

And see wriggly, childish handwriting,

with those two little words,

"Hi Grammy."

 

Yes, there's nothing else

in God's sight,

That can make

my whole world right,

Or that can make my mood

go completely amiss,

From deep depression

to sheer bliss,

With just the most simple, wondrous thing,

just those two little words,

"Hi Grammy."

 

-Poem by Linda K. Schoppe

 

Tuesday, January 26, 1999

A LITTLE LIGHT

In that dark, lonesome place

between a dream dreamed

and a dream realized,

 

I have left a little light for you

so you will know that someone care

and believes in your dream.

 

Just where it becomes the most dark

and difficult to find your way,

there is the light I left for you.

 

It will light your way

through the doubt,

the confusion,

and the fears.

 

It will stay with you

all the way

to the realization of your dream.

 

And when your dream has come true,

please go back to that darkest place

where you have been,

and set the little light there

to give heart to the next trembling soul

that braves the path to its dreams.

 

-Poem by Mikki Brain

 

Wednesday, January 27, 1999

Count That Day Lost

If you sit down at the set of sun

And count the acts that you have done,

And, counting, find

One self-denying deed, one word

That eased the heart of him who heard,

One glance most kind

That fell like sunshine where it went-

Then you may count that day well spent.

 

But if, through all the livelong day',

You've cheered no heart, by yea or nay-

If, through it all

You've nothing done that you can trace

That brought sunshine to one face-

No act most small

That helped some soul and nothing cost-

Then count that day as worse than lost.

 

By George Eliot

Thursday, January 28, 1999

LAWS

You could be breaking the law when you're just trying to have an innocent night out. Boisterous adults and children can be penalized in Mailbu should they "laugh out loud" in a movie theater.

And in Costa Mesa, citizens aren't allowed to enter a movie theater within four hours of eating garlic.

Try to stay away from Arcadia if you're planning to take your date for a
late cup of coffee.

An old ordinance prohibits "young women" from drinking a
delicious cup of brew after 6:00 p.m.

Speaking of drinking, a law in Bellflower actually offers a degree of protection to drunks: "A drunken man had as good a right to a perfect sidewalk as a sober man since he needs one a good deal more."

If you've been out on the trail a bit too long and your horse is weary, be
sure you don't let it fall asleep within the city limits of El Monte. They
have an antiquated law in them parts that prohibits a horse from falling
asleep in a bathtub, unless the rider is also sleeping with the horse.

And if you own a horse in Pico Rivera, it's strictly forbidden - if you're a woman, attired in shorts, and you weigh over 200 pounds - to ride your horse in public.

In Santa Ana, it's illegal to let a horse sleep in a bakery.

Friday, January 29, 1999

Do men really think these lines work??

Warning: contains language that may offend or excite, depending on your orientation. Excerpted from "The Canonical List of Pickup Lines"...

 

Saturday, January 30, 1999

At Day's End

Is anybody happier because you passed his way?

Does anyone remember that you spoke to him today?

The day is almost over, and its toiling time is through;

Is there anyone to utter now a kindly word of you?

Can you say tonight, in parting with the day that's slipping fast,

That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed?

Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said;

Does the man whose hopes were fading,

Now with courage look ahead?

Did you waste the day, or lose it? Was it well or sorely spent?

Did you leave a trail of kindness, or a scar of discontent?

As you close your eyes in slumber, do

You think that God will say,

You have earned one more tomorrow by the work you did today?"

By John Hall

Sunday, January 31, 1999

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, "I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible more, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I`m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you`ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn`t get a hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I`ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

*******

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn`t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he`d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a

few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I committed adultery."

Priest says: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest says, "What did you do?"

Man says, "I committed adultery."

Priest asks, "How many times?"

Man replys, "Three times."

Priest says, "Say two Hail Marys, put $5.00 in the box, and sin no more."

The Rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he`s got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi says, "What did you do?"

Woman replys, "I committed adultery."

Rabbi asks, "How many times?"

Woman says "Once."

Rabbi says, "Go do it two more times, we have a special this week, three for $5.00."